I like to think of myself as an honest man. I am pretty good about making sure I do the things I say I'm going to do. If I don't want to do something I don't typically feel like I have to make up an excuse. When people ask my opinion (or when I just give it whether people want it or not, which is often the case with me) I try to be very honest, not sugar coating, fudging a little or imbellishing. However, there are instances in which even I feel like it would be much easier to just lie than to deal with the truth. Now I know there are certain situations in which probably all the populous would say that it is better to lie. For example, lets say a close friend of your's recently underwent Chemotherapy and most, or all of their hair fell out. If they asked, "Do I look bad or ridiculous?" All of us would probably say "no, its not bad at all." This in most cases would be a lie, but given the situation is there really any value to telling some one who is dealing with a potentially terminal disease that they don't look good? Ok so this is an extreme in which we can all lie and I am confident that God isn't going to be angry at us in that situation. However, I think it can be easy to take this liberty in other situations that really don't warrant it. I'm not saying we should go out and be brutal with people telling them "yes you do look fat, and its not because of that article of clothing its because you are fat" or "no you can't be on my intramural sports team because you really aren't good at this particular sport and you'll hold back the team". What I'm saying is our lack of honesty puts us on a path of lying. If we were honest with people from the get go I believe we would find ourselves in fewer situations where we have to decide between taking the easy/comfortable way out by lying or face the ackwardness and potential scuffle that could come with the truth. Think about the instances recently where you have either told a little lie or considered it and back track to see if there was a time in the past where you chose the lie that probably brought you to the point of having to decide again.
Here's an example: 6 months ago person A and person B are hanging out and person A says "I've been gaining weight and it sucks, none of my clothes are fitting like they used to. Do I look fat?" Person B could say "well if you think you're gaining weight then you probably are, what can we do to reverse that?" But chances are the response would be a little bit of a lie, something like "no I don't think you look fat, lets go shopping and we'll get you some new clothes"
So then 3 months later they are at a restaurant and person A says "what should I get, the double cheeseburger with unlimited french fries, or the chicken salad with light dressing" now, if person B lied 3 months ago and said "no you don't look fat" then they are in a bit of a jam now and will likely lie again to a degree by saying "get whatever sounds good to you" But, if person B had been truthful in the first situation they could then say "hey you're trying to keep your weight down remember, go for the chicken salad since its healthier and just as tastey, and we'll go for a jog later to take care of the dressing."
This example may be overly simple but I think you get what I mean. Consider whether or not you tell these kind of little lies and imagine your life without them, would it be good or bad?
1 hour ago
5 comments:
I have become more honest in my old age. Mark has helped me a lot in not "sugar coating" everything. First of all, it is really not needed and second of all it is not truthful. It is much better to be up front and sincere in my speech then to say something that I think people want to hear. I think your example was good. Always better to be truthful, even if the other person doesn't really want you to be. We'll be a better witness of the gospel if we are known to be people who are truthful with our speech.
Thanks for your post Stephanie, I agree it does seem to come with age a little bit. I guess it is a bit of a maturity thing and I would say that as we get older we get less likely to be a "people pleaser" trying to be loved by everyone.
An interesting follow up to this is: knowing that people often are not entirely truthful are we skeptical of what people say, or do we like the little lies a little bit because they make us a feel better? I like to think I am pretty good at reading people and can tell when some one is not completely truthful, but I'm sure I don't always catch it.
I have found I actually appreciate those people who tell me the truth more than those who do not. I want to know how I am doing what needs work. I want to hear this from those who care about me. I am not really open to people just blasting me with truth.
I try to be honest when I am asked my opinion, but it feels pretty hard at times. People do not always want the truth. Kindness, love, edification and necessity are filters I try to run the truth through before I pass it on.
I think I like to be lied to. Brutally honest people can come off as harsh and arrogant, and I'm sensitive.
That said, when it comes to the most important things, I want the truth.
Hmmm, I wonder if that is a false dichotemy. You can always run away instead of answering (fat) people. But seriously, I bet Jesus would divert the question to the heart of the issue. Maybe something like, "Do you struggle with self image?" or, "Do you feel unhealthy (i.e. fat)?" I don't know, I just feel like it's always good to be honest; but it's not always the best route.
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