At work today we some how got into a brief discussion on disciplining kids. In this discussion I was basically told that it is no longer acceptable to spank your kids. My question is, when did things change? When I was a kid I was actually a pretty good kid and didn't get in too much trouble, but when I did I was usually spanked by my parents. A spanking was usually done on a spur of the moment basis, like I just talked back or said something I shouldn't or hit my sister or something and my parents would say "Hey! Get over here!" then they would spank me on my butt once or twice and say "you are not allowed to talk like that" or "don't talk back to your mother that way". It wasn't so much that these spankings hurt, especially as I got older, but they sent a firm message that what I was doing would not be tolerated by my parents. In instances where my parents found out about something I did in the past, maybe a few days ago my punishment would be "something like go to your room and we'll talk about this later" then when they would come speak to me they would explain their dissappointment in my actions and explain or re-explain that it is not acceptable behavior. I think ultimately both the spank and the firm talking to served as a wake up call to me, to let me know that doing what I did was wrong and should not be done again. The spank was often a little more abrupt but I think the shock of it, that shock of my parents suddenly turning on me because of my behavior sent a strong and clear message.
Now I know some people prefer to use a time out system or something that rewards the good and ignores the bad or whatever and I am fine with that. I really don't care how other people choose to discipline their kids, I think its completely up to them. What I don't like is how people have suddenly decided that it is some sort of crime to spank your kids and if there is any sign of it you should be reported to the authorities. Sure no kid should be excessively beaten and if for some reason they are warranting a spanking on a regular basis then things are out of hand. But my parents spanked me simply to keep me on the straight and narrow and I believe it worked very well. Therefore I plan to spank my kids if and when I have some if they behave in a way that I feel warrants it.
I'm interested to hear your thoughts on this. How did your parents discipline you? was it affective? why or why not? how do you plan to discipline your kids and if its different from how your parents did it why?
1 hour ago
9 comments:
I was also a pretty good kid, and my parents also spanked me -- not on the spur of the moment, though. I would do something wrong, get sent to my room to think about what I'd done, and then my mom/dad would come in and spank me. Looking back, I apprenciated that my parents were never angry or frustrated when they spanked me. It made the spanking not a punishment because I had made my parents mad, but rather a punishment because I had done something wrong. I never once doubted my parents loved me, and I never once felt abused. I do think it is something you have to be very careful with though. These spankings also did not really hurt (not that they were pleasant) but it was more the knoweldge that I had done something unacceptable that was the punishment. I also agree with spanking, or firm discipline of some sort. I will admit that I am somewhat afraid to say I spank my kids (not that I have any) for fear that someone will report me. I guess it's a good thing that we have the same ideas about discipline, since we're married! =)
Miller, from time to time we think that spanking is necessary but shouldn't be used as the only form of discipline. I also think that it depends on the age of the child. Right now our kids are at an age that usaully just requires that we remove them from the situation but as he gets older he understands more and knows what he is doing is wrong. I believe that if we do not discipline our children when they are young they will grow up with a lack of respect for their parents, teachers, elders etc...
spare the rod, hate the child, right?
We are spankers and sometimes wonder if we can move back to California, since Cali is trying to have it outlawed. We've seen a lot of fruit already with spanking. I am convinced however that it is all about how it is done - like what Amy said. We always talk with Hope about why she is being spanked, tell her a million times that we love her, speak to her in gentle tones and work to make sure that we restore the relationship afterwards (so that she's not resentful or fearful). We did not come up with these ideas ourselves, but a very helpful book has been "Shepherding a Child's Heart" which focuses on the heart issues behind raising a child - such as not discipling just so you have a better behaved child. Anyway, I think about this topic a lot since I deal with it daily. It is not an easy thing though, and I don't like doing it, but I do think the Bible has a lot to say about it. Good topic.
Thanks for your posts guys. Discipline is definitely something to think about and have a plan on rather than just winging it as you go with kids.
Is interpreting the rod as a shepherd's rod incorrect? I know I've heard people interpret that passage in such a way, but I'm not sure it's viable. Also, the Old Testament commands parents to stone their disobedient sons, so I don't consider the Old Testament (as a practical manual) a viable, reliable manual for raising children.
Steph, Of course I don't think Hope will be damaged by your spanking, since you are obviously intentional and loving about your form of punishment.
I was "spanked" in way that caused me to fear my father. I can't imagine ever intentionally inflicting pain on a child in that way. Like you all said, it's a matter of context and method. The problem? It's a fine line, so I definitely can't get behind "advocating" spanking.
I don't want to ever spank my kids. I mean, isn't that the governments job? That's why we pay taxes right?
Ok, I'm completely joking.
I do find that spanking my daughter every hour on the hour has turned her into a fine little toddler.
I am enjoying all the comments. I am older and am done parenting and I spanked. I never liked it.
I tried to think of the bigger picture. My kids needed discipline because I wanted to move them from parent control to learning self control and hopefully they would one day submit to God's control. All three of these are necessary life skills. I think it is important to learn from watching your child what form of discipline really works on them. I also believe parenting is a team effort. My wife was such an important part of this process. My two kids would be pretty messed up if it were not for her input.
Thanks for all the input guys. Hopefully no one took any of it too personally or got too fired up at the thought of some of us spanking kids. I think it's time to move on to a more lighthearted subject. Enjoy the next post!
Hey Sherry,
Thanks for prompting me to look into those passages in Proverbs some more. I would say in response that Proverbs and Deuteronomy were written for different purposes and that those two things in the OT that you comapared are certainly in very different contexts. Proverbs seems to have been written to tell us the way to live wisely. Therefore, if I want to live wisely, I will take in to action the things that it says. I am of the group of people to interpret the rod as spanking, and I know there are other groups who do not (those opposed to spanking). But I do think its worth investigation, and I would like to investigate more. I have many more thoughts, but maybe we can continue this dialogue in person?
I would hesitate to advocate spanking as well, without advocating the loving reasons and ways to do it. I do think it can be abused. But I also wonder if more parents were serious about discipline (not punishment) how many more kids would be better off?
Jonathan,
No fired up here - I enjoyed the topic :)
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